


sometimes what you want isn't what you get

by caty5086



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Bisexual Male Character, Bisexuality, Depressed Lance (Voltron), Depression, Gay, Gay Keith (Voltron), Langst, M/M, Sad, Self-Harm, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Space Dad Shiro (Voltron), Suicidal Lance (Voltron), Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, im sorry for this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-07-20 20:17:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16144727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caty5086/pseuds/caty5086
Summary: worthless...the days seem unbearable, the insanity of not being wanted still creeping in the back of a mind that has try'd so hard to forget. The harm that lies deep within the wrists of a simple child project the memories of the days he couldn't take the pain anymore... he couldn't bare to live





	sometimes what you want isn't what you get

6:24am on a chilly October morning; that day started as any other would... lances siblings rushing to the only tight compact bathroom in the house to hurry to school on time, him being the youngest meant he didn't get the room until last. Even when he had this place to himself his sister would still rush in and out doing her hair and slapping on makeup; with in the small cottage the only safe place lance could go to be alone was his room... yet he hated the memories that projected on the walls each time he cried himself to sleep at night; he feared to tell his family that every night the only thing to sooth the pain that distanced in the front of his mind was to create a sense of want, a sense that he wasn't alone, that or he'd just create a pool of crystal tears with the drops of ruby red from scars that crawled up his arms. he feared the people around would tell him it was nothing... all teenagers go through a face were they feel as if the world around them is slowly caving in, telling them to give up, give in.  
"Is everyone ready?" lances mum shouting up the stairs made him snap back to the reality that was his life, rather then the void that was almost as empty as him,  
"MUM I'VE TOLD YOU TIME IS BEAUTY" the routine would always be the same... for hours in the morning they'd fight over how long is right to stay doing your makeup or putting you hair in curled locks that were almost as compact as the room she sat to do them in.  
"well hurry up Rachel, lance sweetie how are you doing up there?" terribly, though of course he couldn't worry his mother about something so petty in his own vision.  
"just fine mum....just fine." the lie that slithered up lances vocal chords like a snake preparing to catch his pray; once again he kept his secrets locked in a box he hid far from the rest of humanity. so now off on the journey that seemed as if it was heading nowhere, he was preparing to go to the garrison for his first day, the transportation that was the old blue set of wheels parked on the rocky driveway was filled to the brim with the things he could remember his home by until Christmas were he'd once again see the place he grew up in. The windows of the car were crystallised with fog from the cold autumns day the trees stripped of their gorgeous orange vibrancy, when already feeling as if the universe is trying to take you away from the past which was your happiness moving to a place... moving to the garrison, where you knew no-one was possibly the most terrifying thing you could ever do.

The large gray building stood in the view of lance as if it stared deep into his soul that was almost as dark as the place it’s self, the luck lance had may not be much but when the time came for it to turn it was sure at the right moments,  
“Hunk....hey I know hunk” the feeling of relief when he saw a name he recognised next to his own was overwhelming.  
“You sure do buddy” the voice was deep yet soft like a simple note being held on a piano,  
They spoke for a short while about random details that had changed since the last time they’d seen each other, but he still made sure to keep the box around ready to unleash his emotions at any moment but he simply couldn’t....  
“Who’s the last person on our team anyway?” the tone of curiosity sat in the back of hunks mind but was over shadowed by the thought of food and home  
“Pidge gunderson....who the heck is that?” The name was unfamiliar, pidge, like a pigeon?  
“That would be me...” the voice came from a small boy stood behind hunk in his shadow,  
“How long have you been stood there?” Lance seemed startled by the unannounced presence of this small boy  
“Long enough...” the voice was petite almost as if it was a girls, while hunk began to talk to pidge lances mind was somewhere else.... The reason he wanted to go to the garrison was to get away from his problems and issues, but one had just walked through the large doorway that was the entrance of the now prison as he'd see it... the boy was tall, skinny but muscular; his left cheek scared purple and only he knew the back story of how it came to take its place his own face; his name was keith, a living nightmare with raging anger issues... "lance!" the voice came from hunk trying to get the near to zoned out lances attention; "we have a fourth member to our team! guess there wasn't enough room so they fit them into our group?" as the pidge had pointed out the was a fourth member on the team; "who?" lance asked as he swallowed the fear in the tone of his voice praying he wouldn't hear the name of internal doom.... but again lances luck had failed him, "keith kogane" lances eyes felt as though the were going to pop out of his sockets almost like a jack in the box being constantly wound up until it just pops... "there is no way on hell that i will have him on this team... i came here to get noticed for my skills not over shadowed by some guy with discipline issues" of course lance new the real reason he was there was because he was running from the vortex that was his mind and everyone knows you can't run from your thoughts they always catch up with you like a piece of homework you haven't done or a person your trying to avoid... "wait how do you know keith?" the question made lance gulp and straighten up.... he didn't know how he new keith, he just new he was trouble, and so did his brother... "i don't remember, but i know hes brothers with takashi shirogane giving him an advantage..." that wasn't exactly the truth but lance had to keep the facade going that he hated this guy for a reason when in actual fact he wasn't sure why he did; "hey, keith right? i'm pidge!" "hunk, its a pleasure to make your acquaintance" "i'm keith, yes, very nice to meet you all to, and whats your name?" lance just looked at the floor and didn't say anything not even daring to look up... "his na-" pidge attempted to tell keith what the face he had just met was called but was interrupted... "we're a team he'll have to tell me his name eventually no-one tell me it..." keith sounded like he new what he was doing; using this 'i'll find out myself' technique to seem smarter but lance.... he wasn't having it he was not about to break eye contact with the staring game he had challenged the floor not until keith left.... that is unless a foot got in his line of sight... he looked up to a tall black haired man with a white streak only across the front... a metal arm that was shiny as if it was just polished that hour, "i see you've met my brother keith, hes a little bossy but i hope you can teach him how to be a team player" lance had lost the game but he was now staring at a legend in the flesh, when he spoke the voice was spoken so sweetly for a man who had seen war and torture and the vocal range of nothing short but deep... his eyes once again telling a story as you looked into them but almost distracted by a pink scar that ran across his nose... did face scars run in the family? Or was this a battle wound... probably so...

**Author's Note:**

> if you do need someone to talk to and you in the UK this is the number to call and talk to  
> United Kingdom:  
> 116 123  
> Samaritans  
> Hours: 24 hours, 7 days a week  
> Languages: English  
> Website: www.samaritans.org
> 
> if your not in the UK google suicidal hotline and your country's number should come up


End file.
